On Relationships and Practice

I have found that when a couple practices together, there’s a basis or grounding for their relationship. Even if there are tough times, somehow the return to basic human presence — their own and others — brings them back to appreciation and affection.

In relationship, as in spiritual practice, commitment is crucial. In both Zen and marriage there’s the practice of vowing, intentionally taking on a path, even if we know we won’t get to the destination. Vowing is liberation from whim and weakness. It creates possibilities that would not occur otherwise, because when you are willing to stick to something, come what may, even if from time to time you don’t feel like sticking to it, a magin arises, and you find yourself feeling and doing noble things you did not know you were capable of.

Norman Fischer
from When You Greet Me I Bow; Notes and Reflections from a Life in Zen