On Spiritual Friendship

The Meghiya Sutta [Sutra]  is my favorite Pali text about friendship. It tells the story of the eager young monk Meghiya, who wanted to practice meditation alone in an especially peaceful and beautiful mango grove. But Meghiya’s meditation was anything but peaceful and beautiful. To his shock, he found his mind a snarl of malicious, lustful, and confused thoughts — probably because his practice was too self-involved. When Meghiya rushed back to report his confusing experience, Buddha was not surprised. He took the opportunity to give Meghiya what he must have hoped was a relevant teaching. 

“Five things induce release of heart and lasting peace,” the Buddha told him. “First, a lovely intimacy with good friends. Second, virtuous conduct, Third, frequent conversation that inspires and encourages practice. Fourth, diligence, energy, and enthusiasm for the good. And fifth, insight into impermanence.”

Then, for Meghiya’s further benefit, and to cement the point, the Buddha goes through list again, this time preceding each of the other items with the first: “When there is intimacy between friends, then there is virtuous conduct,” and so on. In other words, friendship is the most important element in the spiritual path. Everything else naturally flows from it.

Norman Fischer
from When You Greet Me I Bow; Notes and Reflections from a Life in Zen