Childhood Messages Prompt Perfectionism?

“Children often receive the message that certain parts of them are acceptable while others are not—a dichotomy that, if internalized, leads ineluctably to a split in one’s sense of self. The statement “Good children don’t yell,” spoken with annoyance, carries an unintended but most effective threat: “Angry children don’t get loved.” Being “nice” (read: burying one’s anger) and working to be acceptable to the parent may become a child’s way of survival. Or a child may internalize the idea that “I’m lovable only when I’m doing things well,” setting herself up for a life of perfectionism and rigid role identification, cut off from the vulnerable part of herself that needs to know there is room to fail—or even to just be unspectacularly ordinary—and still get the love she needs.”

Excerpt From
The Myth of Normal
Gabor Maté, M.D. & Daniel Maté